we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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