Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
someone get that fucking seahorse.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
