why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
