Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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