when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
