Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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