To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
