i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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