apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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