tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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