I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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