Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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