through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize