My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
