Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
