Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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