"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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