Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
