yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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