I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
