from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
