Sponge bath it is.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
