the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
