I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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