Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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