she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
