Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
