I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
