just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize