we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
