if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
