NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
