some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
