i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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