if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
