Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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