She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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