One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
