i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
