remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
