Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
