The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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