I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
