Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
