i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
