she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
