masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We are all done wearing pants today
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
