it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize