I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
