If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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