I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize