DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
