Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
