You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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