I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
