I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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