just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
