Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
