Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
