omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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