That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
