Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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