i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
