i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
