dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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