I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
