Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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