i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
