i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
