Rock
Scissors
Fuck
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
