OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
there is glitter all over my balls
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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