he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
