I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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