How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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