Umm I'm too high to move.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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