Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I want her autograph on my taint
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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