No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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