Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
