Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
